When your son joins the military
& God turns you around
by Jen Shroder
August 7, 2011
I wait. In silence. I see so many affronts in the news and I think
to write, but I can’t, because all I can see is my son preparing to be
swept up into whatever war of Obama’s moment and I grieve, or I would,
if I allowed myself to think about it. But I can’t think about it.
And so the call came, his entry date was moved up, I was to have
one last day with my son before he set off. Reality began to set in as
did a rage I have never known. An anger welled up inside, I walked
through the motions of being a mom except now I was accompanied with
an unexplainable fury because something was going to happen that I
couldn't control. I found myself in the grocery store holding it in. I didn’t recognize myself, I’ve never felt like
this, I hurried hoping no one would come anywhere near me.
I drove out of the parking lot praying God help me. I was close to
exiting when a woman talking on a cell phone suddenly swung wide into
the parking lot, into my lane, almost hitting me head on with her huge
white truck. We both hit the brakes and as I
looked up into the near miss, it was as if life was confronting me
head on. Everything stopped, and God
said,
"Trust Me."
When God speaks, all of life, all sensitivity, all memory of the
past and present stops as every cell in your fiber listens to His
words, and at this moment in time He said, "Trust Me."
A memory of that night on that lonely two-lane highway flooded
my senses. My very young sons sleeping in the minivan, God directing me to slow
down, slow down, more…more…so much that I checked the rear view mirror
to be sure no cars were coming upon me from behind…more, slow down
more, and then the suddenness of four headlights facing me. If I
hadn’t been at a snail’s pace, I probably would have flipped trying to
hit the soft shoulder at 65 mph plus. As it was, I eased over and
narrowly missed getting nailed anyway. It happened so fast that it
took me a while to digest what just happened. And the peace that held
me through it. From that night on, I knew my sons and I were God’s. He
saved us, supernaturally. There was nothing I could deny Him because
if not for Him, we would be dead or so messed up…
In future years, when credible threats and hatred surrounded me,
when men talked of how they would torture me before they would kill me
because of my website or witnessing, I remembered that night. When my
precious young sons were asleep in their beds, and I’d hear noises
around the house and echoes of the latest threats unnerved me as
things will late at night, thoughts and fears of my sons being
tortured along with me…I would remember that night that God saved us,
and I would commit us to His will and go to sleep. We are His.
Whatever comes, I owe it all to Him.
And now, in that frozen moment in time with a huge truck facing me
again head on, the memory of the almost-head-on years before flooded
my mind. I also felt reminded that any of us could go at any time,
that every day of life is a gift. "Trust Me" hit my consciousness and just like that, the rage
was gone. Completely gone. God saw me completely lost in a rage and
hit ‘reset’ on my life. In the twinkle of an eye, it was over.
What am I trusting Him for? That my sons won’t suffer? That
everything will be full of prosperity and cheer? That all my needs and
indulgences will be met as He showers me with everything I want? No.
Not at all. I don’t trust Him to give me what I want, I trust Him to
use my life and the life of my sons in whatever way He will. I am so
grateful for His many blessings…my life, my family, my sons which have
exceeded all hopes and expectations. Oh they’ve made mistakes, they
don’t walk on water, but my sons have been a constant joy and surprise
throughout their whole lives, including the one I gave up at birth who
found us just a few years ago…God has been so good to me.
So if He calls my son, my son is His. Every moment we have had
since that night on the highway has been a gift. God can ask anything
of me and it is His. Even if I fail at giving it to Him, I know in the
deepest fiber of my being, it is His, it always was. And all I can do
is praise Him.
"And we know that all things work together for good to those
who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose"
(Romans 8:28)
I believe Him. Whatever my future is, whatever my son’s futures
are, I trust Him. Not for comfort, but for eternity. Whatever we go
through or are asked of in this life, it’s all His.
And I trust Him.
He is worthy.
All glory and power are His. Praise be to God.
